hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
