i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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