she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
