You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize