Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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