Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
sex in a hospital.. check
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
