i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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