I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
