My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
