Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
