how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
