Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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