i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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