barbara walters just said penis...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
the raccoons are back...
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