how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
