the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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