I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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