dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
