Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize