i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
