It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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