i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
