His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
