you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
