Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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