clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
