I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
