a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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