Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
