at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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