he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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