woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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