I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize