I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
where are my eyebrows?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
