we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
