There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
