she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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