i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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