Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
