i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
