my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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