I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
