there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He? As in you personified your dick?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
