I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
