I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
