is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
