Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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