Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
