sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
