she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
