I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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