Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize