Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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