you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
