my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
