I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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