I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize