You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
