It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
