The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
