so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
