I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
