I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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