the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
