Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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