So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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