On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk is a universal language darling
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
