my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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