I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize