looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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