God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
