According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize