Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
