No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
