i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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